Where, oh where, oh where do I begin with this one? Let’s face it, boys and girls, we all knew damned well that it wasn’t going to be too long before the Librano$ got to the point where the itch to get their hands back on the national till and back to the business of buggering up the country got to be just too much not to scratch. Lo and behold, in the Commons yesterday, the Fiberals got that collective hind leg up behind their ears and went at it like a 70-year-old viagra addict in a $2 cathouse with a fistful of fifties.

On the off chance that you’ve been either spelunking or in a coma for the last few days, here’s what happened: Greener-than-thou Steffy took his stiffy a little too seriously yesterday and led the Kyoto Kook parade even further off to the Loopy Left when they passed Bill C-ThroughRoseyGlasses (AKA Bill C-288), demanding that the Conservative government under HMPM Harper come up with a plan to meet Kyoto’s “why yes, the moon really is made of green cheese” targets by 2012 . . . within 60 days. Yup, two months. Bibbitty-bobbitty-boo; just like that. Come to think of it, I do know exactly where to begin with this! Now why in the world didn’t I think of it in the first place?? It’s so obvious…

Dear Santa,

Thank you very much for heeding my letter that I sent you back in November. I know that I asked for a Rae Bomb and I should have trusted in your judgement (after all, you’ve been at this a lot longer than I’ve been around). The gift of Steffy “no relation” Dion as national UberGrit is clearly MUCH better and more fun than a Rae Bomb would ever have been. I’ll never doubt you again.

Your friend,
Dennis

This really is an early Christmas present for a guy like me. And it fits in so nicely, too, with the theme that I was going to work on before I got so rudely interrupted there…

Just who the hell does little M. “Do You Think It’s Easy To Make Priorities” think he is, anyway? This little arsehole — along with the Blocheads and Taliban Jack!’s YGBKMP — actually has the gall to demand that Harper do in two months what his party, and he himself as environment minister, utterly failed to do in more than a decade in power: come up with a plan to implement Kyoto by 2012.

And if that didn’t get your bullshitometer up to the redline, try this one on for size: li’l Steffy himself said, on the record to columnist John Ivison, that there was NO POSSIBLE WAY TO IMPLEMENT THE KYOTO TARGETS WITHIN THAT TIMEFRAME and that “energy will be the next crisis for the economy of the world.” See for yourself (emphasis mine, of course):

Dion admits Liberals’ Kyoto goal impossible

National Post 2006-07-01 John Ivison

OTTAWA – Former environment minister Stephane Dion has conceded that a future Liberal government would be unable to meet its Kyoto commitment of reducing greenhouse gas emissions below 1990 levels.

Mr. Dion, a candidate for the Liberal leadership, said that if he became prime minister after an election next year, he would try to reduce emissions, which are thought to contribute to global warming.

“In 2008, I will be part of Kyoto, but I will say to the world I don’t think I will make it. Everyone is saying target, target. But … it is to be more than to reach a target. It’s to change the economy. It’s to have resource productivity, energy efficiency when we know that energy will be the next crisis for the economy of the world.”

Canada signed up to reduce emissions to 6% below 1990 levels by 2012, but government statistics suggest they are currently around 35% above that level. The Conservative government has said it will not be able to meet Canada’s targets for the first-phase of the Kyoto accord — an admission that has led Liberal critics to charge that the Tories have abandoned Kyoto.

The Liberal party maintains its climate-change plans would meet the 2012 deadline. Mr. Dion is the first senior party figure to cast doubt on that claim.

A spokesman for Environment Minister Rona Ambrose said Mr. Dion’s comments were cause for concern. “It is concerning that the Liberals were prepared to mislead Canadians on the Kyoto targets even though the former Liberal environment minister now admits the targets were unachievable.”

Mr. Dion defended the Liberal record on Kyoto by saying Canada signed on for far-tougher targets than many other countries. “If France does nothing between 1990 and 2010, their emissions are likely to grow by 4%. If Canada does nothing, emissions grow by 44%.”

He said the election of George W. Bush, and the subsequent U.S. decision to pull out of Kyoto, left Canadian industry, and some Cabinet ministers, uneasy with the government’s climate-change plan. [of COURSE! It’s all Bush’s fault!! Gimme a fucking break 🙄 -D]

Mr. Dion advocates binding commitments for industry to reduce its greenhouse gas emissions through a domestic trading system. Companies able to cut their emissions below target levels could then sell credits to less energy efficient businesses. He said he is also working on environmental tax reform and would put the environment at the centre of government. “All my ministries will be green. Maybe I’ll make one department of industry and the environment — a department of sustainability. That’s not a commitment, but if you want to change the mind, you have to change structures.”

So, he does nothing, admits that nothing can be done, and then screeches like a shrill schoolmarm at the Tories for not waving the magic wand and making it all disappear. The Grits even try to accuse Harper of “act(ing) like an emperor” if he chooses to ignore their little parliamentary temper tantrum (which I think he should).

Hell, even Green Party Ubertreehugger Elizabeth May isn’t being fooled by this bullshit publicity stunt. I can’t help but wonder, though… Which do you think is going to get through the Fiberal-dominated Senate first, hmmm? The Federal Accountability Act (which would make the kind of corruption that is the Grits’ stick-in-trade one hell of a lot harder in the future), Bill S-24 (the Senate Tenure Bill), or this little Grit-spawned publicity stunt? Anybody feel like laying some money down on it?

All I can say is: Please, please, please let this trigger an election!! And let it happen BEFORE John Q. Canuck has the chance to doze back off again. Let it happen before the Canadian public can foget that Dion has flip-flopped on everything from Kyoto to Afghanistan to antiterror legislation. Real quick, in point form:

• Librano$ sign Kyoto (a pipe dream), do nothing, blame Tories
• Librano$ pass antiterror measures, now call them draconian
• Librano$ send troops to Afghanistan, now want to run away
• Librano$ to nominate candidates based on crotch plumbing, not merit
• Librano$ get to boot for Adscamâ„¢, Dion welcomes back scammer into the party fold

It’s one thing to be a populist; it’s another thing entirely to make a political career out of twisting in the wind of public opinion. I could go on, but why bother? The facts are that he’s out of touch with regular Canadians, he’s an elitist and he’s weak. The Grits picked everybody’s third choice to lead their party and, as the ads said, Stephane Dion is NOT a leader. Never has been and never will be. The little snot even mewled like a petulant child when someone pointed out that there really IS a problem with wanting to be the leader of one country while being a citizen of another!

Yup. Best Christmas present a little Rightwing nutjob like me ever got. Can we go to the polls now?

That’s it. Sorry about that; did you think I was going somewhere with that? Going to make a good joke, maybe? Well, I could have but some jokes just make themselves.

It’s been said that, in politics, when they start ignoring you, that’s when you know that you’re really screwed. And that’s exactly what happened to Ontario UberGrit Dalton McWimpy when he plopped his flip-floppin’, wafflin’, rioter-appeasin’ arse at a Timmy’s at the corner of Huron & Adelaide in London yesterday. There he was, and nobody gave a crap:

McGuinty catches few eyes in busy local Tim Hortons

Fri, February 9, 2007
By SUN MEDIA

People always have time for Tim Hortons, but apparently not for their premier.

That was a good thing yesterday for Dalton McGuinty, who found himself sitting through a casual interview at a busy Tim’s outlet in London, seemingly unrecognized by customers seated or lined up for the morning coffee rush.

“It’s like he wasn’t even here,” one man, who had spotted Ontario’s top politician, said after the premier left.

A coffee clutch of three older men at the table near McGuinty quickly picked out who he was but politely held back, smiling and saying little.

McGuinty spent nearly an hour at the Tim’s at Huron and Adelaide streets, during which time not one customer walked over to ogle or chat up the Ontario Liberal leader.

“Was that McGuinty?” one man said, as he jumped into his pickup with his coffee. “What was he doing here?”

Told McGuinty was making the rounds in an election year, and will be chasing votes like his, the man paused, suddenly frowning: “I think I’ll have to do some research into that.”

That’s it. That’s the whole damn article. You know people are getting bored as hell with you when you can’t even fill up a quarter of a page…

Well, now; lookie here, willya? The Smoking Stasi have new marching orders. Check out what the Fiberals tried to do on the Q-T. It seems that the high-falutin’ Mr “I-Know-What’s-Best-For-You” Jim Watson (Dolt McSquinty’s Ontario Fiberal Minister of Health Promotion) has nothing but your best interests at heart when it comes to banning smoking. Unless you go someplace like a casino, where the Ontario government gets a cut.

Government-owned casinos in Windsor and Niagara Falls are allowed to build outdoor shelters for smokers, even though bars and restaurants in Ontario cannot do so under a provincewide smoking ban, Health Promotion Minister Jim Watson said yesterday.

The Smoke Free Ontario Act, which became law in June, doesn’t allow bars and restaurants to provide enclosed areas to protect smoking patrons from the weather, but Mr. Watson said casinos aren’t covered by that provision because their main business is not serving food or alcohol.

Yeppers. If you slide on in to your local pub (maybe run by a guy having almost as much fun making ends meet as you are) and you feel like a smoke while you’re there, you gotta stand outside in the elements and get soaked, freeze your arse off, or whatever. That’s because, under that lovely little thing called the Smoke Free Ontario Act, that the Grits decided to beat us over the head with, bars and restaurants aren’t allowed to provide even semi-enclosed areas to protect smoking customers from the rain, snow, sleet and other things that aren’t supposed to bother mailmen.

But HEY! Guess what? If you wanna go and blow a bunch of your hard-earned dough in some slots joint where the back-scratching swine from the Big Smoke can snout up to the trough, you get to light up in a jolly little “outdoor covered structure” with walls and a roof and probably ashtrays, too.

Can you say “bullshit,” boys and girls? I knew you could. As the Freeps put it in their editorial page today:

Uh-oh.

This sounds like trouble, smells like a rat and looks like one rule for the government, another for the private sector. To be sure, it’s an injustice of the highest order for Ontario’s hospitality industry.

It’s cynical, it’s hypocritical, it’s a betrayal and it may mark the point at which Ontarians finally lose all faith in the provincial Liberals.

Well, okay. Maybe something good will come out of all this two-faced sanctimony, after all.

We were told, in the most melodramatic of tones, by the Fiberals that the smoking ban was being brought in to protect workers from the Great Plague Of Western Civilization, second hand smoke. The latest HypoGrit hyperbole is that these little smoking pits are all fine and dandy because, Watson has barfed, employees will not have to enter these shelters.

HEY, ASSHOLE: pub and eatery owners were saying the same God damned thing over a year ago when you saddled them with your little bullshit law in the first place!! They also told you that if make going out a pain in the ass for smokers, places like them were going to lose money. Could it be that you’ve finally gotten it through your thick skulls that smokers are going to go to some other place to smoke… and take their money with them? Just like bingo halls and charities said they would.

The casino plan quietly received the green light as revenues plummet because of the tough, new no-smoking law.

Well, DUH! The Grits hooted away that there would be no such drop in revenues because, with all those nasty smokers out of the way, non-smokers would start coming out in droves and smokers would still keep coming out, anyway. Well, that never happened, did it?

News flash, HypoGrits: I smoke. It’s MY CHOICE. And I don’t like going to places where I can’t. Given the choice between a) going out and having to freeze my ass off and b) staying in and having a few friends over to watch the game, have some brews, scarf back some BBQ, whatever… I’m choosing B 9 times out of 10. I used to go out a lot; not anymore. And that’s why so many pubs and restaurants are closing, even though you boneheads said they wouldn’t. You assholes annoyed a bunch of us and cost plenty of other people their jobs.

And, come election day, we aren’t going to forget that.

“I am not alive, nor am I dead. I am undead — forever.”
– Strahd von Zarovich –

It’s coming; everyone agrees on that. We aren’t likely to make it to Dominion Day without having to pinch our public proboscises and ponderously plod to the polls to put a plug in the pursuing pageant of platitudinous political punditry.

Don’t screw with me today; I have a thesaurus and I’m not afraid to use it.

So everybody and their pet beaver has figured out that — sometime in the none too distant future — we’re about to find ourselves up to our collective you-know-whats in a federal election campaign. Again. 🙄

You’d think that after the Fiberals’ Extreme Makeover in Montreal this month, they’d be looking for something new to hammer Harper over the head with in the upcoming campaign, but did they? Hell, no! They grabbed the nearest shovel, made a beeline to the Grit Graveyard of Tired Canardsâ„¢ and dug up the moldiest, rankest character-assassination cadaver they could find: The Vast Right Wing NeoCon Conspiracy® Hidden Agenda…

Dion gave every indication during a news conference yesterday he will resurrect the theme in the next campaign, expected early next year.

And he shrugged off a suggestion the hidden right-wing agenda theme might sound a little stale if trotted out yet again.

“It’s less and less hidden,” Dion said of the Conservatives’ plan for the country.

Like we need this damned revenant shambling into our midst again. If anyone at all in the whole damn country was still itching away with some doubt or other about whether or not the HypoGrits were, indeed, just the “same old same old” that they’ve always been, those doubts should now be as dead as the “scary Conservative bogeyman under the national bed” tactic was thought to be.

I mean, come on now; let’s be serious for just one God damned minute, okay?? Seriously, even the Liberals (yes, those Liberals) can’t possibly be THAT fucking STOOPID! Can they? As of this writing, Stephen Harper has been Her Majesty’s Prime Minister of Canada for 312 days and, as everyone has seen, none of the following has happened yet:

1. Neither Stephen Harper nor any members of his caucus have eaten any babies.
2. Quebec has not separated from Canada.
3. The sun has not burned out.
4. Our health care system has not collapsed.
5. Homosexuals have not been rounded up into camps in the high arctic.
6. Women have not been forced to get pregnant in order to be denied access to abortions.
7. We have not become of 51st state of US of A.
8. We have not sent troops to Iraq, either.
9. The Charter of Rights and Freedoms has not been scrapped.
10. We have not withdrawn from the UN.
11. The sky has not fallen.
12. There have been no reliable reports (other than above) of the dead rising from their graves to feast upon the living.
13. We have not declared war on puppies.
14. Toronto has not been placed under martial law (although that might not be such a bad idea).
15. The polar ice caps have not melted.
16. The National Capital has not been moved to Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump.
17. The economy has not collapsed.
18. We still have no official State Religion; Christian, Satanic or otherwise.
19. Fun has not been outlawed.
20. No one has been executed for anything.
21. Banjo lessons are not a compulsory component of our educational curriculum.
22. No angels have tooted any trumpets, cracked any seals, or done anything else worrysome.
23. etc, etc, ad nauseum…

The more I hear this bullshit, the more the HypoGrits remind me of a doomsday cult: They keep predicting the end of the world but when the appointed day comes and goes (over and over again), they just move the goalposts. “Next time, it’ll happen.”

Yeah. Sure it will. Whatever.

STFU, already.

Well, I’ll be danged, Rick Mercer went and did it again… If this keeps up, with him slamming the Librano$ as hard as he was the Tories for so long, I’m gonna start thinking that ol’ Ricky’s not so much biased as he is an equal-opportunity exasperation.

Too bad for the piggies, though; they’re gonna get real tired if that happens… 😆

Okay, I’ve kept my trap shut on this one for a bit because, to be blunt about it, I never saw this one coming in a million years. For both of you that haven’t heard yet, Stephane Dion is the new Grand Grit, crowned in Montreal yesterday.

Now, you might be forgiven for sitting there going, “Stephane who??” Don’t feel bad; I sure as heck didn’t pay a lot of attention to this guy during the race. Me, I was hoping the Librano$ would drop the Rae bomb and nuke themselves in the next general election.

But never in my life would I have guessed that the Fiberals would have gone with Dion like they did. To be completely honest, even I didn’t think that the Liberals were that dumb. Let me see if I’ve got this straight or not. The federal Fiberals — driven from office by the stench of sleaze and corruption emanating mostly from the party’s Quebec wing — think they have a plan for getting back in the saddle:

1. Elect a leader from Quebec who is virtually unknown in the ROC and speaks the worst English since Jonny Cretin
2. ???
3. Form another majority and get back to robbing the national till again

Who’s running this outfit, anyway; the Underpants Gnomes???

Is it just me, or does anyone else wonder if poor Stephane just might end up being the dog that caught the bus: okay, he’s got the damned thing… now what the hell does he do with it?