Category: Canada

WANTED

Have you seen this little bastard? If you have, turn his worthless ass in now, because he’s not going to be safe for long if he runs into the wrong man on the street anytime soon.

In case you’re wondering, this disgusting little snot got it into his vacant skull that it would be a jolly idea to celebrate Canada Day by PISSING ON THE NATIONAL WAR MEMORIAL!

My advice: if you see this little shit, call a cop right quick, before somebody horse-whips his worthless hide for desecrating the memory of the very men who are responsible for the fact that he can’t speak German.

After all the barbeque had been eaten on Saturday and most of the guests had gone home, I found myself sitting around the fire with the last holdouts of the Canada Day party (Joe, Mark and myself) and as the last of us prepared to stumble off to oblivion, I began to think (a dangerous pastime, I know; especially when drinking). Here we were, enjoying our celebration of living in the greatest nation on God’s earth, but did we spare a thought to how it got that way, or what it cost? We live in the kind of prosperity and security that has rarely, if ever, been known in the entire history of the world. But, exactly 90 years ago to the day, things were much different for this country; especially for our fighting men on the battlefields of Europe.

On the first of July, 1916, Canadian troops, along with our other allies in the British Empire, began what was not only the bloodiest battle our soldiers have ever seen, before or since, but also arguably the most costly battle in all the history of warfare. That’s right: the Somme.

What was supposed to be a glorious offensive that would smash the German lines and open the road to victory quickly turned into a hellish stalemate that would go on for more than five months.

On that fateful day, 100,000 fighting men in the service of His Majesty George V rose up from their trenches near that river in northern France and boldly marched through the yawning gates of hell itself. By nightfall, no less than 20, 000 of them would be dead and another 40,000 wounded. Before it came to its finish in November of that year, the meatgrinder that was the Somme claimed more than a million casualties; enough to make Afghanistan a pittance in comparison.

The courageous men of the 1st Newfoundland Regiment at Beaumont Hamel were the only colonial troops to go over the top that day. Of the 800 sons of the Rock who went forth from the trenches that day, all but 68 became casualties; 590 of them lie now in the earth of the Somme valley, their graves unknown. His Majesty was so moved by the courage and sacrifice of the Newfoundlanders, that he added the “Royal” designation to the regiment in recognition of their valour.

In a day and age when we, as a nation, are at last beginning to rediscover our respect for our soldiers, we should take the time to remember the sacrifices that have been made by those who came before them as well.

It really is the least we can do.

“The Canadians played a part of such distinction that thenceforward they were marked out as storm troops; for the remainder of the war they were brought along to head the assault in one great battle after another. Whenever the Germans found the Canadian Corps coming into the line they prepared for the worst.” – British prime minister David Lloyd George

Okay, I know some people are going to think that this is corny, but I don’t give a damn. Tim Hortons has finally opened up shop in Kandahar and our men and women on the ground are finally getting to enjoy a little taste of home. Yes, it was Boston creams and double-doubles at the double on Thursday. Maple dips, too.

Officials said that Thursday’s opening a “soft-opening” ahead of a formal ribbon-cutting dog and pony show set for Saturday, Canada Day. Previously, everybody said that the outlet wouldn’t open until then but I guess when a few hundred heavily armed Canucks want some Timbits, you give ’em to them.

“Big deal,” some might say; “it’s just a doughnut shop.”

No, it isn’t. When you’re thousands of miles away from your hearth and home, in a hostile land replete with bad guys who are trying to kill you, each and every little piece of home that you can lay your hands on is worth its weight in Klondike gold. The Yanks already had a Burger King, Subway and Pizza Hut, but it just isn’t the same.

None of these really say “Canada” the way that Timmy’s does though, do they? And let’s face it, when you miss home, it’s the littlest things that gnaw away at you the most. Mom’s cooking, your favourite chair, your dog, your other half’s annoying habits, your bone-headed brother in law’s dumbass jokes… the list goes on and on. I could babble on about this until the Leafs win the Cup, but it’s probably better to let our soldiers speak to it themselves:

“I am so happy; I’ve been waiting five months for this place to get here. Now it is finally here. I’m ecstatic!” – Pte. Janice Magrath of Edmonton

“This is good for morale. It’s a bit of home, just having a bit of Canada here. It’s incredible.” – Warrant Officer Mark Pickford, 1PPCLI

“It is a really nice change of routine. It is something to look forward to when you come back in from the forward operating bases. They might need a drive-through though, eh?” – Master Cpl. Mike Schmidt

PARENTS OF CHILDREN IN THE TORONTO AREA: BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS MAN

Although Toronto Police have, for some inexplicable reason, chosen not to make this information public, it is being provided here because we believe that it is our duty as Canadian citizens to alert parents to the danger that this man poses to children in the area. Dale Oswald’s name appears on the intake sheet of the Keele Correctional Centre, an open-door, come-and-go halfway house in the Junction area of the city, just south of Dundas.

• DALE OSWALD
• white male
• 33 years old
• 6’7″ tall, 350 lbs

[The following text was taken directly from the website of the Kingston Police who, unlike TO, had the decency to alert local residents when Oswald was released there in February, 2006.]

Wednesday, February 8, 2006

In the interest of community safety, the Kingston Police, and Chief W. Closs under authority of the Police Services Act of Ontario, is disclosing the following information regarding 33 year old Dale OSWALD.

OSWALD is described as 6’ 7”, 350 lbs, Caucasian.

The above subject has completed his Provincial sentence and will be released to 508 Portsmouth Ave, Portsmouth Community Correctional Centre where he will be supervised by Corrections staff under a 10 year Long -Term Supervision Order.

OSWALD who is a self admitted Pedophile, particularly targets young boys and has also been diagnosed with a personality disorder. OSWALD suffers from bi-polar, anti-social and schizophrenic disorders that are further compounded by alcohol and substance abuse and a mild intellectual impairment. OSWALD is on conditions as a result of convictions from criminal trials in the Toronto Ont. area in 2004. These conditions stipulate OSWALD is not to be in or near any area where children under the age 14 years congregate, such as in schools, playgrounds, swimming pools, etc. OSWALD has a criminal record for sex related offences dating back to 1993. Contained in OSWALD’s record are numerous convictions for failing to abide by conditions of bail release, for attending known places where children congregate, and several convictions related to sex and violence.

All right, everybody, calm down already. I’ve been hearing way too much uninformed opinion from way too many directions lately, which is, of course, gettin’ on my nerves. What’s weird this time, though, is that everybody seems to have come down with the same case of the stupids.

A recent story about how the Canadian military has handed out about 300,000 publicly paid prophylactics in each of the last two years has been making the rounds and now, all of a sudden, everybody seems to think that our boys are running willy-nilly shagging everything that moves. Ridiculous.

The story goes on to point out that whenever soldiers are deployed someplace where there might be some shooting going on, there is a spike in demand for the li’l rascal wrappers.

Well, guess what? The most common use for a pecker pup tent has nothing to do with anybody’s naughty bits. Most of them end up over the muzzles of rifles to keep out dust, grit and whatnot other crap. If things get hairy all of a sudden, you don’t need to waste time removing the little Frenchie from the end of the barrel, you just fire right through it.

But I guess such mundane uses don’t make for very good stories, do they?

We’ve been enduring quite a bit of finger wagging lately, mostly from the usual suspects, admonishing us not to criticize immigration or refugee policies because all of the accused terrorists busted in the GTA last weekend were “home grown.” I’d really like to know what these people’s definition of “home grown” is.

From what I’ve been able to gather on the adult suspects so far (we aren’t allowed to know anything about any of the little would-be murderers under the age of 18 that were busted), we have one from Egypt, two from Pakistan, two from Somalia and one Saudi. I haven’t found anything conclusive that says any of them were born here, although there is a strong suggestion that Fahim Ahmad may have been but I haven’t been able to confirm it yet.

Doesn’t sound too damned home grown to me.

Canada may have been built by immigrants, but it sure as hell wasn’t built by anyone like this bunch. Sooner of later, we’re all going to have to get it through our heads that there are some people that just aren’t good enough to be let into this country and when we find them here, we need to get rid of them.

Well, that’s it. I think I’ll sit back now and see how long it’ll take for someone to come along and play the race card…