Category: Moonbattery

Okay, more funny stuff. This has been making its way around the net for some time right now and some other bloggers have mentioned it as well. I can pretty much gaurantee that it’s just another of those internet fabrications but I have to admit that I damn near laughed my arse off the first time I read it.

As the story goes, a lady libertarian from the Centre Of The Universe® wrote a lot of letters to the government, bitching and moaning about the treatment of captive shitbags insurgents being held in Afghan jails. After bitching away in dozens of letters over several months, she finally got something back from DND:

National Defence Headquarters
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2 Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called “Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers” program, or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be caredfor pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his “attitudinal problem” will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I’m sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of “respecting his culture and religious beliefs” as described in your letter.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. You take good care of Ahmed and remember, we’ll be watching.

Good luck and God bless you.
Cordially,

Gordon O’Connor
Minister of National Defense

Holy crap. 😯 Yes, I know that this has not a bloody thing to do with politics, Canada, or any of the other things that I’m usually in the habit of going on and on about but still… Holy crap. 😯

Now, I know that the kangaroo is something of a national symbol in the Land o’ Oz — kind of like our beaver — but seriously, people, there is such a thing as too much being too much. This would be a good example of that, I think. It seems that there is a bit of a population problem with the little Skippies on the outskirts of Canberra…

The Defence Department wants to hire professional shooters to cull the kangaroos at two of its properties on the outskirts of Canberra, where some areas have as many as 450 kangaroos a square kilometre — the densest kangaroo population ever measured in the region.

That’s right: 450/Km²! For those of you that think a little old-school, like I do, that’s close to two ‘roos per acre. That’s one helluva lot o’ boomers and does. There’s so many of them that they’re starting to “eat through the grassy habitats of endangered species.”

Now, you’d think that when one animal becomes a problem like that — especially when, let’s face it, humans have contributed to the trouble by killing off predators — a cull would be a no-brainer. There’s too many of one species and they’re posing a danger to another. Cull the excess of the one and restore the balance.

Simple, right? Hell, to a conservationist like me, that’s just common sense. But common sense just doesn’t come very easily to the sanctimonious, busybody, “animal rights” crowd now, does it?

Under the plan, 3,200 of the common eastern grey kangaroos, which can grow as big as a human, will be shot by July.

But Mary Hayes, president of the animal rights group ACT Animal Liberation, warned that such an action would earn the local government an international reputation for cruelty.

“It is a very cruel, violent way to treat animals,” she said on Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio.

Pat O’Brien, an activist with the Queensland state Kangaroo Protection Coalition, rejected the government’s argument the kangaroos risked starvation if there is no cull.

“This is just an excuse to kill them,” he said.

Oh, EEK! Nasty men with guns just wanna have fun. Right. Let the argumentum ad hominem get into full swing. 🙄

The fact of the matter is that there are two kinds of animals: the eating and the eaten; AKA predators and prey. When a prey population grows unchecked by predation, they will breed and increase until they start to starve. Period.

So my question to the smartass little busybodies at the Kangaroo Protection Coalition, ACT Animal Liberation and other such bunches, is this:

How do you want them to die? Quick and relatively painless (a bullet) or slow and suffering (starvation)?

Because those are the choices you’ve got. Those are the ONLY choices you’ve got; whether you have the stomach for that fact or not. Neither reality nor natural law give a shit about your delicate sensitivities.

So, what’ll it be?

Here, at long last, is the final and conclusive proof that several of those old adages that your mom, dad, grandma and grandpa were flinging about for all those years were really right after all. I’m talking about those little homilies that left you scratching your youthful head in utter befuddlement, wondering whether or not the old folks had finally reached that point that people referred to as “ready for a home,” whatever the heck that was supposed to have meant. Those little nuggets of wisdom that so often only make any sense at all in hindsight.

You know the ones I’m talking about:
“Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.”
“Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.”

You can now add another one to that list:
“Even the CBC will broadcast some sense sometimes.”

I even found proof…

Okay, show of hands now… Who would have ever guessed that the Ministry Of What You Should Think’s redeeming virtue would be found in Rex Murphy??? 😯

Everybody — or at least, everybody that comes here with any frequency — knows damned well that I like to go on and on about things that tick me off.  It’s what I do.  Every now and then, though, something comes down the pipe that just… well, speaks volumes for itself.

The latest idiocy is nothing less than a thinly-velied appeal to vulgarity.  Nothing more, nothing less.  But then, really, just what can we expect from a carpet knight?

Oh, don’t look at me like that. You all know damned well that I wouldn’t be able to resist…

Out of Afghanistan by February of ’09.

That’s become the favourite bleat of the federal Liberal party of late and the “bring them home at any cost” crowd have seized upon it like a flock of seagulls fighting over a dead fish.

“Support our troops; bring them home!” they snivel, as they try to cloak their self-serving abhorrence of all things military in the colours of patriotism. And every flag-draped casket that returns to Canadian soil seems to make them worse and worse, as they sickeningly caterwaul the same old bullshit over and over again:

Our young men are dying for George Dubya Shrubâ„¢ and Big Oil®. It’s America’s war, not ours. The Afghans beat the Soviet Union so what chance do we have? They don’t want us there; the only ones who want us in Afghanistan are the “chickenhawks.” And perhaps the worst one: we’re the ones who are the oppressors and it’s the insurgents guerillas murdering sons of bitches that are the freedom fighters 😯 and our soldiers don’t want any part of that; they’re just following the orders of Stephen Dubya (for Warmonger) Harper and his Extreme Far Right Agenda.

I don’t have the time to pick these apart one by one and give them the full treatment that they deserve, so I’ll just summarize…

• Harper didn’t send us to Afghanistan, the Liberano$ did.
• It’s the UN‘s mission, NOT the US’s (You guys remember the UN, right? The international toothless tiger that you think should make all the decisions?).
• The Afghans didn’t beat the Soviets, the Americans did; Afghanistan was just another front in the Cold War, which was won by the West, NOT by Islamofascists.
• Have you ever asked an Afghani if they want us there? Get back to me after you’ve tried that. I already have.

And as far as the “chickenhawk” and “they don’t want to be there” arguments go, that’s utter bullshit. Have any of these idiots ever even talked to a soldier? A real one, that is; not some gutless Yank hiding out from his unit up here. The ones who are most dedicated to the mission are the ones who have to actually put their asses on the line for it, and who pay the real price. The price that is measured not in votes or sound bytes or how many potheads show up for the latest “peace” rally. Contrary to the cliche, it isn’t even measured in blood. It is a price measured in lives, snuffed out forever. It is paid in that horrible place where the world turns to fire and every sound is drowned out by the roaring fury of armageddon until it is finally driven away by the voice of your maker calling you home.

It is a price not paid by the likes of you and I; it is paid by our betters. Paid by women like the Capt. Nichola Goddard and men like Cpl. Brent Donald Poland:

Soldier: ‘If I die, that is my destiny’
Sat, April 21, 2007
By JOE MATYAS, SUN MEDIA

Pupils from Temple Christian Academy throw petals onto the road in Sarnia yesterday in front of the hearse carrying the body of Cpl. Brent Poland killed on Easter Sunday in Afghanistan, doing what he most wanted. (MORRIS LAMONT Sun Media)

SARNIA — He was an officer who gave up his higher rank and higher pay to serve in the Canadian Forces infantry.

And Cpl. Brent Donald Poland, 37, died in the service of his country, doing what he wanted to do, 1,400 mourners were told here yesterday.

“My brother loved this country, believed in Canadian values and believed in freedom,” Mark Poland, a Kitchener Crown prosecutor and major in the reserves, said in a testimonial during a funeral service at Temple Baptist Church.

Poland packed up his kit bag and boarded the military flight to Afghanistan “with eyes wide open,” said Mark, adding his brother, always independent of mind, was convinced he was doing something meaningful.

During his last meeting with his brother, when they were huddled on a porch smoking “big stinky guitars,” Brent asked Mark:

“How would you like to live in a place where women aren’t allowed to read and where children have no hope?”

Brent was both nervous and excited about going to a combat zone, said Mark.

He was prepared for anything and said: “If I die on the battlefields of Afghanistan, then that is my destiny.”

The complete article is here; read it. Not getting it yet? Here’s something from Poland’s hometown paper, the Sarnia Observer:

Cpl. Poland laid to rest
Mourners numbered about 1,200
By DAN McCAFFERY
Local News – Saturday, April 21, 2007

Cpl. Brent Poland was remembered Friday as a courageous soldier who loved his family, friends and country.

Poland, one of six Canadians killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan on Easter Sunday, was laid to rest following an emotional funeral service at Temple Baptist Church.

His younger brother, Mark Poland, told an estimated 1,200 mourners that Brent could easily have avoided combat, had he wanted to.

In fact, Brent had suffered a back injury in training that made it impossible for him to continue serving as a 2nd Lieutenant. At that point, he could have transferred out of the infantry, retained his rank and accepted a less demanding job in the Canadian Forces.

But “he would not hear of it,” Mark said. “He loved the infantry.”

Instead, although he was almost twice as old as the average foot soldier, he accepted a demotion of several ranks and remained in the infantry as a corporal.

Capt. David Ferris, who trained with Brent, confirmed the story. “Brent once said if he couldn’t lead soldiers, then he would be led, but either way he would be on that battlefield.”

Mark Poland said Brent went to war fully aware of the risks. Shortly before he went overseas he gathered old high school buddies for a reunion and made a point of visiting family and friends. “He was preparing those around him for the possibility this very day could come,” he said.Mark recalled discussing the Afghanistan mission with Brent the last time they met. When someone questioned the wisdom of the operation, Brent replied by asking whether they’d like to live in a country where women weren’t allowed to read, or where people had no future.

Mark noted the terrorists who murdered 3,000 civilians on Sept. 11, 2001 were trained in Afghanistan. “It was into the fierce winds of 9/11 that my brother stepped with his head held high,” he said.

Mark said Brent “went into the mission with his eyes wide open. That is the very essence of courage and the very definition of bravery.”

Brent wrote a letter for his family that was only to be opened in the event of his death. In it, he wrote, “Hi folks. If you are reading this, I bought the farm in Afghanistan.” The first point he wanted to make, he said, is that they should “stop blubbering.” He had, he continued, experienced more in his 37 years than most people had in three lifetimes.

He joined the army, he said, because he had been “miserable” while working as a project manager in the Toronto area.

During his life, Brent earned two university degrees, travelled through Europe and even spent time teaching English in a tiny Greek village.

Born in Sarnia, he was raised in Camlachie and spent many a summer day on his grandparents’ farm just outside Brigden.

Mark said his brother lived an idyllic childhood in which he loved to roam the woods, beaches and open fields.

When he enrolled at York University, Brent invited Mark and his friends to visit him, despite the fact they were still in high school. Some on campus may have thought it wasn’t a “cool” thing to do, Mark said. “But Brent could have cared less. Brent lived life independently minded and fiercely loyal to his family and friends.”

As Brent was borne to his grave, hundreds of people lined Quinn Drive. School children tossed flowers and waved flags.

The procession, which stretched for as far as the eye could see, wound its way through rural Lambton, finally ending up at Bear Creek Cemetery, a little country graveyard not far from his grandparents farm.

As the hearse turned down a dusty road leading to the cemetery, a lonely piper stood in the bright sunshine, playing ‘Going Home.’

Noni Seybrook of the Forest Legion Pipe Band said as a young lad Brent had undoubtedly roamed the fields he was now passing on his way to his grave. “Bear Creek ran behind the Poland property and you know how boys are with tadpoles,” she said. “I’m going to play ‘Going Home.’ It’s a nice tune, and it’s fitting. He’s coming home.”

Our soldiers aren’t dying for oil, they aren’t dying for Dubya or for Haliburton and they aren’t God damned stupid, so stop acting like they are!! They do what they do because they’re doing what’s right. The Cindy Sheehan-grade idiots may not be able to figure that out, but those who wear the uniform know it. They know it in their bones. They know it so well that they will go out of their way to risk their lives for it, and die for it if they have to.

So, to those “bring ’em home” types out there: the next time you open your piehole to say that you support the troops but not the mission, don’t bother. Lie to yourself, if you want but don’t expect me to eat up your bullshit like ice cream. Saying you support the troops but not the mission is like saying that you support freedom but think Hitler should have been left alone.

The troops support the mission.
They support it with their lives.
They aren’t stupid.
They know what they’re doing.
They’re doing the right thing.

Quit pretending that you support them.
You don’t.
And we all know it.