Well, boys and girls, the brain blockage continues unabated. I’m still sitting at my keyboard for a bit every day, shaking my head like a thinking man at a Greenpeace rally, and nothing’s popped loose. Is there such a thing as ExLax for the brain?

So, since the only original stuff I seem able to write these days is Jack and shit (and Jack’s busy running the Dippers), kick back and soak this up for now.

A big ol’ tip o’ the toque to Paul over at CJ for finding this first.

Seeing as how I seem to have a bad case of bloggers’ block up the wazoo lately, I’m getting a little hard up for stuff to write about.

So, for lack of anything better, I guess I’ll just smack up whatever it is that I trip over that either tickles my funnybone, leaves me going “what the hell…?” or both.  Today’s entry is under the “both” heading.

And, I promise, just as soon as I can jar something loose from this rickety damned skull of mine, I’ll be right back to howling my lungs out about things that actually matter.  Until then, I’m afraid you’ll just have to sit through stuff like this… Sorry. 🙁

British man puts out kitchen fire with aunt’s oversized underwear

LONDON – They went from baggy knickers to the ultimate hotpants.

A fire department official in Britain says Jenny Marsey’s miraculous underwear saved the day by doubling as an emergency fire blanket during a kitchen blaze.

Marsey’s nephew, John, was frying bread in her kitchen in Hartlepool, northeast England, on Sunday when the fire broke out.

He grabbed the nearest thing from a pile of washing to smother the fire – a wet pair of his aunt’s size 18 underwear.

The nephew’s quick thinking saved the kitchen but left Marsey’s underpants slightly scorched.

“It could have been a lot worse,” said Marsey. “My family could have been in hospital but the knickers saved the day.”

A fire brigade spokesman said that the general principle – using a large, wet cloth to cover a grease fire – was a sound one.

As for using underwear: “Clearly it depends on what size you are,” he said, “but I don’t want to go there.”

Dear gawd… I really do need something to set a fire under me…

A merry and joyous Christmas to you and all of yours, no matter who you are nor where you may be, as we gather to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

May the new year bring you peace and His blessings…

Well, whaddaya know? Thomas A. Swift’s Electric Rifle (better known as the TASER) turns out to have an upside after all.  I wonder what all the Eek Crowd® bozos that have been jumping on the Tasers Kill® bandwagon lately will have to say about this little nugget from Ontario’s SIU?

Ontario’s police watchdog has cleared London police of any wrongdoing when they used a Taser to subdue a man who then had a heart attack.

In fact, the SIU report says the fact police quickly subdued John Moore may have saved his life by getting him to hospital sooner.

Police Chief Murray Faulkner said he wasn’t surprised his officers were exonerated.

“The purpose of the SIU is to investigate officers, independently, to determine if there was any criminal acts,” said Faulkner.

“But I’d seen their reports and I was satisfied they did nothing wrong.”

The SIU report also suggested Moore’s ingestion of alcohol and drugs prior to the police arrival was the likely cause of his heart attack.

Moore could not immediately be reached for comment.

Of course he couldn’t.  Friggin’ coke-head’s probably too busy pissing and moaning about losing out on the opportunity for a nice, juicy lawsuit.  After all, there’s nothing better than getting a big, fat ol’ wad of John Q. Public’s money for being a shithead, right?

It turns out this meathead owes his life to the big, bad zapper that everybody’s been saying is the latest goody from Satan’s toybox.  Quite frankly, I’ve been getting just a little God damned sick and tired of all the Chicken Little bullshit that’s been flying back and forth since Robert Dziekanski died after being tased in Vancouver.

Don’t get me wrong; Dziekanski’s death was a tragedy of errors that we should make every reasonable effort not to repeat but the fact of the matter is that, when cops have to deal with some goon that’s getting out of control, there is a very specific series of options that cops can take, one after the other:

1. Talk the guy down
2. Muscle the guy down
3. Tase the guy
4. Shoot the sonofabitch

Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that taking step 3 off the list is such a smart thing.  And unless you’re the kind of idiot that would rather be hit with a 9mm or .40 calibre slug than a taser, you’d damned well better either agree with me, of else shut your friggin’ piehole.

… that it’s the God damned Dippers that are looking like they’re the ones hammering away at the No-Brainer Bell™ on this one?? Yes indeed, boys and girls, the bacon has once again taken to the skies as the NDP are talking sense.  Fer cryin’out loud, people, this one is so damned screen-doors-on-a-submarine simple that even the socialists have it figured out!

So why the hell do they seem to be the only ones hooting about it?  And why the hell has the same damned idea had to be presented THREE TIMES and still not pass???

TORONTO – The Ontario government must set aside partisan politics in favour of common sense and ban wooden fire escapes on residential buildings, the New Democrats said Thursday.

A private member’s bill being introduced by Michael Prue is his third attempt to rewrite the fire code and implement two recommendations of an inquest into a fatal fire in Toronto in 1999.

“I think this has to be obvious to everyone, that to have a wooden fire escape on the outside of a wooden building is tantamount to asking for disaster.”

Wooden fire escapes?  WOOD???  As in, “the stuff that trees and firewood are made of?”  You’d think that the widget polishers down at Queens Park sould just stick this one in the “don’t whiz on the electric fence®” file and be done with it.

But nooooooooooooooooooo…  Apparently these bozos need to be clubbed with the brainstick at least three times before it gets through; maybe more.

… just too damned funny not to share.

I know that I haven’t been posting worth a crap lately. Call it writer’s block, blogger burnout or whatever the hell else it might be but lately, it just hasn’t been coming out for some reason. It’s not that there hasn’t been anything pissing me off or that I haven’t had anything on my mind; it just doesn’t seem to want to get from my brain to the keyboard…

This, though, was just too damned good not to pass along. A big ol’ tip o’ the tuque to Damian for bringing this to my attention in the first place…